Warlock Goes To The Vet

July 12, 2014: A strange little man comes by the Friendly Animal Clinic

New York - Westchester County - Salem Center - The Friendly Animal Clinic

This stand-alone brick storefront has been converted to a veterinary office, with the usual large waiting area, the front reception desk having room for two or three people, and a Cat Waiting Area on one side, a Dog Waiting Area on the other. There are doors opening to exam rooms off either side. Anyone bringing other animals generally gets to decide which side won't eat their precious.



  • Monster the Kitten
  • Lovely Rita, Receptionist

Mood Music:

The Friendly Animal Clinic is Friendly (tm) and it's open Weekends! Except major holidays.

This isn't a major holiday, so Jacky Winters is at the shelter. There are two good things about this. First, it's air conditioned. Second, he gets paid a whole 75 cents an hour more for working weekends because nobody else wants to. So he's quite cheerful, at least, when he's not helping with the critters.

Monster, the kitten who was brought in with fireworks burns, has mostly recovered, and will be able to leave next week, and one of the other reception people has declared that the beast is HERS, so Jacky is wistfully not pressing the issue. Especially since he's not sure how the many other creatures at the school would treat a kitten. Meanwhile, there has been a rash of dogs with ticks, and a parrot with some sort of beak rot - that's gross - and several flea-cursed cats. Jacky's in front, having just given two of the cats the most miserable torture — a warm bath. Strangely he has no scratches, which has the receptionist who has Monster saying, "You are totally cheating."


Warlock has been picking up strange sounds in this area. He was just walking, as he's prone to do, for the last, oh, ten or twelve hours, listening to the various signals he picks up (telenovelas, police scanner, kid's walkie talkies, sexting chats that run across his eyeballs and confuse him VERY much).

When he hears the variety of animal noises coming from this building, though, he's intrigued. He's been to the zoo, but this is not the zoo, it is much smaller and contained. Also, he does not detect the giant poop smell. Just a smaller, more manageable poop smell. Unsure of whether this is considered a place of privacy, with many alarms and noises, he walks up to the front door and presses his face against it, staring at Jacky with a wide smile on his face, looking fully human but nonetheless odd, with his wide grin and unblinking stare, "IS THIS A TINY ZOO? SELF LIKES TO PET THINGS!" he calls through.


Rita the Receptionist looks at Jacky with an expression of 'Oh my ghod it's another street freak.' Jacky, on the other hand, looks up and his eyes go unfocused as his ESP kicks in … Not From Around Here(tm) Mutant(tm) No Immediate Danger … what a weird vibe. Professor Xavier is going to want to know about this one. But that means, uh…

"I got it, Rita. I think he's an alien."

"Like from England?"

"Yeah, like from England. Sure," and Jacky goes to the door.

"We're not a zoo, but if you want to come say hi, we have a couple resident cats, who might let you pet them if they want to."


Nancy promised to come and visit Jacky at his work as soon as she was allowed out of the mansion. And now she is, so here she is. She's getting better at holding her power in, though only to 5 feet. But it's better then the 10 feet she used to be at, so she considers it a good thing. She notices the … VERY odd looking young man at the door of the clinic and pauses.


Warlock steps inside as Jacky lets him into the door, "Cats? Felines, common, tamed house animals. Related to tigers, lions, but not bears, oh my. Appear to have an inordinate amount of control over internet communications and middle aged women. Enjoy being petted. Furry. Must do further search on subject Furry," he says, then recalls his manners, swivelling around to face Jacky and turning his head toward Nancy.

"Greetings! Self's translated designation is Warlock. Self would be pleased to learn your chosen nomenclature and interact with you in a social setting, especially involving fermented beveraged and balls of various sorts."


Jacky looks at Rita. "Definitely from England," he says, and grins at the newcomer. "I'm Jacky, and this little guy," he says holding up a kitten with a bandages on its tail and hind feet, "this is Monster. He was abandoned here when someone hurt him with fireworks. We don't know who it was, though."

Not completely true; Jacky's been trying to track down the vibe of the culprit, and he has it down to a neighborhood.

"Be careful with him."

He looks over at Nancy and mouths, "he's a mutant, be careful," and hopes she understands. Of course, that's when a woman with a standard poodle comes in and Rita has to check her in and deal with the many small details of pre-payment.

The poodle? Serious signs of hair loss, and little bumps on the skin. Allergies or mini-tumors. Hooray for over-breeding!


Nancy's jaw just drops when the weird looking guy introduces himself. Her ever-present lollipop starts to fall out so she shuts it closed with a snap. Her eyes turn to Jacky, her brows arching. She is getting used to reading that one word 'mutant' on a persons lips and nods her head. She slips in and keeps out of range, glad she can get it as close as she can now. "Heya bestie. How's things?"


Warlock stares at Monster carefully, cradling him in both hands and tilting his head, perhaps a teensy bit farther than someone with actual vertebra would find comfortable. His eyes also bulge forward out of their sockets a little bit as he gets a much closer look, examining it down to the level of skin and DNA, "Unfortunate tiny feline! Healing is a fine calling, self-friend Jacky! Fire is not good for the skin of mammals or even reptiles and insects."

He turns his attention to Nancy and smiles wide, his mouth straining, again, possibly a little too much for the usual human limitations, "Self is called Warlock, not Bestie, but is not sure of grammatical usage. How is things does not seem to correlate with the traditional grammatical modes. Must be slang. Sometimes "I likez to be slangin' an' bangin', YO!" he says, the last sounding like a sampled bit of audio.


"She calls me that," Jacky says, grinning at the slang. "Hey, Nancy. This guy is, Warlock I think. Am I pronouncing that right, Warlock? Anyway, this is Nancy. She's just visiting to watch me work."

He gets a dirty look from Rita, who would rather he not invite strange people in, but then again, maybe the foreign guy will be a customer. Joy.

"OK, Mrs. Mulligan, you and Princess can wait on the dog side, the doctor will see you in a few minutes," Rita says.

"I'll be right back," Jacky says. "I have to clean exam room A so they can look at Princess."

He heads back and disappears into a side room.


Nancy just can't help but stare. This Warlock guy is just… wow. She keeps herself out of his way, not because he's weird, but because she doesn't want her power to make him even weirder. If that's possible. She makes a gesture over to Jacky as she addresses Warlock. "I was actually talking to him. I call him Bestie. It's a joke."

She waggles her fingers at Warlock. "Hi there, Warlock. Nice ta meetcha." She then shrugs over to Rita. "Sorry. Just wanted to come and say hi to my friend, though I may be looking into getting a few rescue animals in the near future."


Warlock turns to Rita as well, hands extending as he offers Monster to her, "Self apologizes for not addressing you directly, self-friend Rita. Self did not mean to make a classist gesture as a result of your occupation in a service industry. Self actually works doing technical support over the phone! 'Hello, Self's name is Warlock, what is the nature of your difficulty? Have you tried turning it on and off again?"

Having let go of the kitten, he turns back to Nancy, "Rescue animals? Do they go into burning buildings and drag out humans in danger of immolations? Do they fly helicopters? This would be interesting for Self to see." he says, then pauses, "You are keeping away from Self. Does Self have an unpleasant odor and/or malignant aura?"


Rita takes the kitten back, and smiles. "Thank you, that must be fascinating work," she lies, and then Monster squeaks and she is overcome again. "Ooh, you are such a cutie, we could just eat you up, yes!!"

There's a thump and a clatter and Jacky opens a door into the dog waiting area. "Princess? You can come in here now. You too, Mrs. Mulligan."

He comes around the corner to the front, and takes Monster. "No. Kittens are not edible. Here, Nancy, you hold him," and he hands the kitten over to her. Rita sniffs. "You guys are all so mean to me," she says, dramatically.


As she watches Warlock, it's hard not to imagine he's a mutant. Really, what normal person acts *this* un-normal? She can't help but smile around her lollipop and shakes her head. "No, there is nothing wrong with you. I just don't like getting too close to people. And I meant rescue animal as in it's been rescued and needs a home. Like Monster here. But, considering how Rita there is giving me the hairy eyeball, I'm thinking if I said I wanted to adopt Monster, she might try to kill me.


"Oh, no, I'd never kill a customer," Rita says, unconvincingly. A man walks out of a door on the cat side of the waiting area, with a growling box that occasionally says "Awworruuuuu!" in a horrified voice.

Jacky looks at the guy, grinning wryly. "Tigger still angry about his bath?"

He pulls up some paperwork, and says, "That'll be $29 for the flea bath and the front-line, and remember, only use a third of it every other week. You talked to the doctor about fumigating? OK, remember, don't leave Tigger there while the flea bomb is running."

The man mutters and hands over a credit card, and there's the usual exchange. Jacky talks to Tigger quietly, "that wasn't so bad, you get to go home now and no more itching." Well, if Tigger's owner does what the doc said.

Monster tries to steal the lollipop from Nancy.


Warlock swivels his head to Rita quickly at the threat of ocular lycanthropy, actually coming close to turning his head all the way around on his neck, "Self does not detect any hirsute eyeball activity. Perhaps it is just a trick of the light. Self does understand the importance of personal space issues. Humans feel a deep seated need to be autonomous, often going to great lengths to separate themselves from pack behaviors, usually by joining other packs which they feel would be disapproved of by their previous pack. Also, germs."

He looks at Jacky, "Kittens are technically edible, self-friend Jacky, as are most organic creatures. But regional cultural taboos are to be respected. Self does not eat kittens, dogs, or other species unacceptable to North American cultural protocols. Or humans, although partial feeding is sometimes necessary. It is not fatal, however, and causes no harm."


Nancy chuckles softly as the kitten bats at the stick in her mouth. She turns her head from side to side, which only really entices the cat more. She tickles and plays with the kitten and being so terribly un-Nancy like, but it's not her fault. Kittens bring out the worse in any goth. Watching Warlock, listening to him, she looks over at Jacky with her brows raised. She'd be thinking at him right now if Jacky had any way of hearing her thoughts. It seems her power is currently leaning on the 'it sucks' part of the scale.


"Well, yeah, but we don't let Rita eat the patients," Jacky says, as Tigger howls his disgust on his way out the door. Seems that some things (like unwanted baths) override telepathic soothing. Oh well.

"Yeah, I guess some people seem to like being ea… uhm. Yeah, let's not go there," Jacky says, avoiding the innuendo at work. He likes this job and they don't care that he's a mutant. Which is why he took it in the first place. Rather not get fired for saying the Wrong Thing.

"So, Warlock, how long have you been here in North America?" he asks. Rita goes into the back, for a moment.


Warlock watches Nancy with the kitten, eerily still but with a pleased expression, fascinated. "Self has been in North America for a period measuring four months, two days, eight hours and forty two minutes by Earth measurement standards, allowing for timezone transfers. Self is still absorbing local norms and cultures, but the plethora of electronic media and communications have been very helpful, even if thirty two percent of them are entirely based on human mating. Humans like to mate, even if they often seem to have problem finding the correct orifices."


Nancy nearly chokes on her lolly at Jacky's comments about being… let's not go there. Her mind naturally fills in the gaps and Nancy has always been a very liberal individual. Warlock's response just isn't helping. She turns her back on the pair, her shoulders shaking almost violently as she tries not to laugh out loud and still hold the kitten. Monster is not happy with Nancy right now. The bouncing up and down as she holds him against her chest isn't fun.


"Really? You're learning off the internet? Hey, it'd be a lot more, uhm, efficient, if you were to go to a school, wouldn't it?" Jacky asks, fingers crossed. Because seriously, Dr. McCoy would find this guy fascinating. At least.

Rita comes out with a bunch of folders and drops half of them in front of Jacky, and he starts going through, checking them for animals whose owners need to be reminded of something, like vaccinations or exams.

"Why haven't we computerized this?" Jacky says, and Rita shrugs.


Warlock considers Nancy for a minute, "I am not detecting any signs of airway blockage, so I know that you are not choking, self-friend Nancy, but if you are in distress and in need of rescue, slap your buttock or fall to the ground in a dramatic manner to indicate a seizure!" he says sincerely.

To Jacky, "School? Self could not start in kindergarten, human children might find self-disturbing, even at their size." he says and promptly condenses himself down to the size of a six year old, retaining his tie, pocket protector full of pens, loafers and oversized glasses. For a moment, his skin goes translucent and a shimmer of golden circuitry can be seen beneath, especially in his eyes, "Self thinks most of kindergarten's subjects are mastered, although shoe tying still seems unimportant with the invention of velcro."


"Woah. No, that's not … necessary," Jacky says. "I'm sure they could come up with a custom curriculum, it's kind of how we roll."

Rita looks over and shrugs. She's seen Jacky turn into bling when a feral (and sadly, rabid) dog tried to bite him, so she's not going to freak out over this. The guy was already weird anyway. She just keeps sorting. Jacky already has his half done, but that's because he had a lot of "deceased" in his stack. Sadly, pets don't live forever.


Nancy is giggling even harder. Slap her butt? She reaches out with the kitten, handing Monster to Jacky. She shakes her head, pulling her lips tight so she doesn't laugh out loud. "So… yeah. I think we have a great school for you. You'd fit in just fine."


Warlock looks up at Nancy, his mouth quirked, "Fit in? Are the school's proportions…ah, wait. Self has found the requisite usage. Well played, Self-friend Nancy!" he says, now barely reaching her waist. He remains at his childish size for the moment, finding the perspective interesting as he looks around, "What do you think Self needs to learn? Would I have to be there on time? "I don't feel tardy!" he says, the last a perfect audio replication of David Lee Roth.


"Well, they teach just about anything you could want to learn," says the gothling. She shrugs a shoulder. "So… maybe we should talk about it sometime. Somewhere we can be a little more open about what we want to talk about." She gives Jacky a nod of her head. "I should be heading back to the school anyway. I promised the kids I'd watch a movie with them tonight."


"Yeah, and I've got to finish my work here," Jacky says. He writes a phone number and an address on a piece of paper, and offers it to Warlock.

"Call here and ask for Admissions. I'll let them know you're interested. If you are interested, that is. I hope so."


Warlock smiles as he walks towards the door, "Worry not, Self has already absorbed the necessary frequencies for your individual communication devices. Self likes your 'Workout Wonderland' tracklist!" he says, making his way towards the door with a jaunty wave.

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