Superman As Madonna

December 20, 2014: A mugging leads to Superman and Lois Lane to meet Vorpal. He embarrasses himself

New York

Not as 'ew' as Gotham



  • Mugger

Mood Music:


Late at night, Lois in a nice insulated jogging suit.


It's pretty much the sound her feet makes as she pounds the ground, runing towards the industrial park at night, which is pretty much a mixture of asking for it and looking for it. Danger. She wasn't actively looking for danger but it seemingly followed her where ever she went. The crowds were out at night, those few nightclubs that let out after 2am and had a few stragglers who held up the brick walls and smoked their cigarettes.

Lois, full of angst, wanted to snatch one from their mouths as she ran by to take a drag and throw. Then she'd say something cool like, smokings bad for you, all the while smoke trailed out after the words she spoken. She wasn't invicible though, however, if it came to it. She could have handled herself in a fight.

"HEY! That's my purse!" A woman screamed. "Give me back my purse!" She shouted towards the back of a man in black, who amply ran in the other direction.

And who was in persuit?

Lois Lane! To the rescue!

With an exhale, Superman looks down at the goings on below. He's half sure she's just doing this to spite him at this point. Who knows where they stand now; the fullfledged truth thing didn't go over just as he hoped but probably just about as he expected.

Watching her below, he decides he'd better watch over her just to be careful, but if he can avoid getting directly involved that'll be best for everyone.

There was another jogger in the area- a young man with a shock of red hair and… matching red sweatshirt and sweatpants. If Bunker had seen Keith in that outfit, he would have fainted and then dragged his fellow hero away to get properly color-coordinated. You don't wear a lot of red when you're a ginger, because then you look like a bad Flash cosplayer.

Fashion crime aside, the young man is jogging when-

Stop! Thief! Keith comes to a screeching halt as he sees the man running away.

"This looks like a job for …" he reaches into his sweatshirt pocket "… shit!"

He had forgotten to bring his portable mirror. It looked like this was a job for Keith O'Neil running very very very fast! He takes off, running at full tilt towards the man as he runs away… and someone else who is chasing him? He can't see her face, as he is just now coming up on her, but maybe she's a friend of the victim? He pumps his arms and starts running faster- "Stop! Right! There!" he shouts. He was not as fast as his feline form- Vorpal would have caught up in just seconds, but he was a cat. Keith was in great shape, but he was not built for speed as much.

Lois wasn't as fast, but hey! She could get the job done, as soon as that man gets tired. Being an investigative journalist in a war torn country could do that to you. You learn to pace yourself while running fast, time your breathing so you don't get tired quick enough to turn up dead. Robber man, Lois will be in yo-.. wait.

There was someone else coming up from behind, and she slows her row just enough to turn her head without getting pummelled. It was a guy, running after her who's running after him and.. with a quick side step aside, she throws her hands up and backs out of the way and into the nearest wall to keep herself there, and out of the way should the guy who followed her who's following the guy either attempt to tackle or fall. She never knew.

"Woah there buddy, go get him!" She calls out, relenting in the chase. She was no hero, not like that. And.. this was just stupid.

She bends to press her hands against her knees and begins to finally breathe, she was tired, and over-exerted herself a lot.

The robber however, he cackles loudly, turning halfway to give Lois the finger and.. picks up his pace as he sees someone else running. "It's just a goddamn purse! Fuck off dude!" He yells out.

There's a slight whooooooosh of wind behind Lois as Keith goes stomping away after the attacker. His arms are folded across his chest. "Really?" he says. He's not really irritated, well not much. He just doesn't want Lois getting killed because she may or may not be upset with Superman.

Whoa- that was close! If she hadn't-

Wait a minute- "- Miss Lane?"

No time to stop and chitchat because that guy is running away. Curse his memory for forgetting that mirror. It occurs to him that he could ask Lois if she carries, say, a compact… but nowadays maybe that is seen as sexist and it would get her to kick his ass? He doesn't know. So instead, he pounds at the ground and gives it everything he's got, beginning to catch up to the man. By this point, Keith is so flushed that he's almost red, which really does make him match in everything.

"I said- STOP!"

When he's close enough, he tries a leaping tackle. It's going to hurt… probably for both of them. Probably for HIM if he misses the crook altogether.

"NO!" The man shouts, only to be tackled to the ground, the purse flying up ahead. The man gives up. Like completely. First some crazy lady was chasing him, and now some guy tackled him into the ground. He hates people!

Meanwhile, as Lois was about to turn and run away, because god forbid anyone catches her chasing after a goon, she stops as soon as she sees Kal and frowns, just a little.

"What do you mean, really?" And then she pauses.

"Were you following me?"

"Would you believe me if I told you I was out here for the fresh air?" Superman gives a pair of upwards eyebrows, trying to get a laugh out of her. "I mean…" He sighs. "You know what I mean."

It takes a few minutes, but Keith eventually makes his way back. It turns out that the purse did have a mirror.

Well, it was one of those fancy Starkphones with a metallic protective case, but it was enough of a mirror for him to do his transformation and get the handcuffs from his uniform.

"Note to self," Vorpal grumbles, "Carry handcuffs everywhere. You ruined my jog, I hope you're fricking happy," the young-man-turned-cat snaps at the man as he cuffs him to a bench. The kind of bench that is fused to the concrete, and he calls the police so they can come and pick the man up.

The purse? Well, he carries it with him as he heads back to check on Lois. It doesn't match his colors. But at least he can look into it and get the owner's name and address so she can get a Titan Delivery.

"Miss Lane, are you-" the question is halted as he approaches the two and sees the red, blue and yellow. "… doing … um… " doing what? crocheing?

~That's Superman over there…~
~~Good job, now who's THAT one over there?~~
++Must you act like this every time you meet one of these circus clowns?++
~Superman's not a circus clown!~
~~He's more like a ringmaster~~
++How fascinating++

Okay, she couldn't hold it. She did laugh, and understood the joke that he was trying to make. "It is a bit thicker out here than in Metropolis, isn't it?" The conversation was light, really. Light as it could get out in public. "I think this is many years of us hanging around each other." She glances towards her right, noticing Vorpal's approach. A fresh face in the sea of strangers and in a town that's somewhat unfamiliar. "You got the purse! Where's the rest of your crew…" And then a beat. "Oh right. Superman. This is Vorpal. Vorpal. Superman." Introductions made, and she was left in silence.

Superman cannot help but smile at her as his trick worked. He can't tell if he's looking forward to the next conversation or not, or whether he's fearing it. Either way, he thinks he'd better wear the suit if he wants to have the upper hand.

"Hello, Vorpal. I think we've run in similar circles quite a few times," Superman says. "Thanks for your help out here."

"Su- er- hi - yes. Um." Vorpal's hands grip the purse like one would expect a little old lady to hold her pennybag. Get it together, O'Neil.

"-Not quite the same circles. You're kind of like Madonna, I'm the New Kids on the Block."

~Did you just call Superman Madonna?~
~~Oh Jesus Christ-~~

"Maybe not Madonna. More like Lady Ga- I'm just going to shut up right now," he says, his eyes clearly having that 'what the hell is coming out of my mouth?' look, "HellomissLanethatwasmebackthere," he says before shutting up. To clarify that he was the crazy running redhead

Oh, now this was golden. Her eyes remain pressed to Vorpal as introductions were made and Superman actually speaks. In fact, if she could see it in this light? She'd see that the man Vorpal turned into a boy who had met one of the greats, and jumped up and down for an autograph. This is so cute.

"Did you just call Superman Madonna?" Lois had to ask, glancing back towards Kal-el with a little bit of a smirk, which soon devolves into a loud, roaring laugh. She had the mind to actually vogue, to embarrass the three of them, but she couldn't for she was clutching her stomach.

After cooling for a quick second, she wipes the tears from her eyes, then slowly begins to pick up her feet to run in place. It /was/ a little cold out, and her standing in one, single spot was allowing the chill to knock her bones.

Superman can't help but erupt in a laugh. "I think I'm supposed to take that as a compliment, Vorpal. I'm not sure, both Lady Gaga and Madonna were always a bit more risque than I have been, even at my most eccentric." He turns to Lois, "I can loan you the cape if you're cold, Lois." He tries to be helpful, and doesn't mean to come off as self righteous.

And he's blushing. Fortunately Vorpal is covered in fur, which makes the blushing hard to spot unless you are looking at the inside of his ears. The blood rush there makes them almost the shade of his hair.

"I didn't mean, I mean… okay… just assume that the only time I open my mouth is to change feet. That's how Gar deals with me" He rubs his forehead so he can hide his face.

"S-sorry about running into you like that, Miss Lane. I was seeing you from behind so I didn't know it was you."

Pause. "Not that I would have run into someone had they not been you, I mean. You know what I mean. I hope."

Her jogging in place was immediately stopped at the offer of the cape. "Oh for goodness sake, Kal." They might as well go through with it now, right? The closeness. Out in public, any other time they'd be seen talking or him holding her while flying her away from danger. On a midnight run? Nothing should change. Not even when she knows who he really is.

She steps towards him to grip the cloak, and instead of detatching it from his uniform, she pulls it aside to wrap herself up within, all the while leaning against him. As awkward as it was, it felt familiar. She was alright with familiar.

"It's alright Vorpal. You seen that someone needed help, and you did just that. I think I'm just without the costume and all so no one would really know that I was on your side."

She tilts her chin towards the purse now, "Find out who that belongs to? I heard her, but I suspect she's long gone by now."

Superman smiles toward Vorpal, "Thanks again for your help. If you're ever in Metropolis we should meet up. Good things happen when you're around, Vorpal. And please tell the Titans I said hello, would you?"

Vorpal opens his mouth almost on reflex to point out that, actually, interesting things tended to happen around him, not necessarily good. It all came down to being a creature of chaos magic, and wherever he went, there was always a high chance that something would happen. Good, bad? Take your pick, it was probable.

Instead, though, he says "I w-will, Superman, they'll say 'hi' back."

And then he remembers. "Actually, we sort of have a holiday party happening on Sunday. If either of you would like to come." Because why not? Lois had given her support to the Titans with a much-needed article, and Superman was Superman.

Superman was the busy type, though, fighting criminals and saving the world. Still, it would have been a super dick move to invite Lois and not invite the Man of Steel, even if Vorpal was sure that he didn't have time for social functions due to saving the world.

"It's not a big affair, just some of us and some of our allies and friends."

At Lois' interjection, he looks into the purse and finds the I.D. in a small wallet. "This belongs to… um… Urhines Kendall Icy Eight Special K."

He pauses. He reads the ID again. "… you know, I think I read an article about this girl. Poor woman."

"Urhines.. wait.. is that Your highness.." Lois shakes her head slowly. Oh no.. that poor thing…

Lois must have read that same article, while it was a laugh before, it certainly wasn't a laugh now. It was just a doggone shame. Though, the mention of parties, it nearly lightens her mood. Nearly.

"A party you say.." She murmurs, glancing up towards Kal-el and then Vorpal. She wasn't going to speak for him, no. But she was going to speak for herself.

"I have a few prior engagements, but I'll try my best to be there. Off the record, just me. No cameras or interviews." She smiles a little, then tightens the cloak around herself.

Superman slides his arm around Lois and pulls her into a side hug as he nods at Vorpal. "You know, I'd really like to be there too if possible. You said it was where? At the tower?" He nods a few times, blue eyes on Vorpal, "I can't promise, but I can definitely try."

"Oh, the tower isn't there anymore, it was destroyed by-" DANGER DANGER WILL ROBINSON "-a stray meteorite. Weirdest thing. We've got a new place…" he digs into one of the pockets in his costume and hands two cards out to Superman and Lois. "Here's the address of our new place. It's supa-seeekrit, only known to people in the hero community and, you know, allies. It's so that we don't get blown up again. We're going to open a public office in New York, though, so people can find us. But we've learned our lesson on not to sleep where we get blown. Up. Blown up. I mean. Kaboom."

She felt warm enough with the hug, but she only dislodges to reach out to grip the card from Vorpal's fingers. She glances towards the address, committing it to memory, then sticking it right down towards her top to destroy later, just for their own safety.

"Stray meteorite? When did that happen?" She glances up towards Kal for an explanation, and then towards Vorpal. "I don't remember there being a story on it. Hm." She wasn't one to push, but stray meteorites were incredibly rare. "Maybe it happened when I was in Syra." Huff. She always misses the really, really good stuff.

"Let me know when you open the New York office, I can swing by and grab an exclusive, since it's all going to be public."

His last words though, gained a little bit of a smirk. She /totally/ caught that, but she wouldn't embarrass poor Vorpal further.

Superman shrugs in response down towards Lois; he hadn't heard of it either, but it's possible. He takes the card and nods, and sliding it away in his waistband. "I'll be looking forward to it, Vorpal."

"Right, then I think I should get this purse back to Your Highness. It was great seeing the two of you- I'll just trot on!" Before he says something truly embarrassing. He starts turning invisible. "And be careful, they're all mad out there!" says the grin, which is the last thing that remains before vanishing completely.

Except… well. He forgot to make the purse invisible. So it is easy to see which direction he is running by the purse bobbing up and down in midair until it stops all of a sudden.

"… shit." That was sotto voce. Probably too quiet for Lois to hear, but enough for Superman's super-hearing. The purse becomes invisible instantly, and Vorpal continues running. A Rabbit hole opens up, and he is gone.

Probably still blushing.

Lois watches Vorpal vanish.. save for the purse. Her hand lifts from the cloak to clasp against her mouth, wanting to /not/ laugh to hurt his feelings in the matter. In fact, when he runs away, she makes it a point NOT to look, because she sees nothing! Not even the purse that seemingly bobs and jangles as he runs away.

She glances up to Kal now, that smile fading just a little. There was a lot that she still wanted to say to him, but.. settled for avoiding the topic right now. "I'm going back to the hotel."

She unravels herself, content to walk this night. She wasn't giving him the cold shoulder, he was free to travel along too. "Room service is on you, Blue Eyes."

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